Grief is one of the most profound human experiences, touching every person’s life at some point. Whether you’re mourning the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, a job loss, or any significant life change, understanding the grieving process can provide comfort and guidance during these difficult times.
While grief is deeply personal and unique to each individual, mental health professionals have identified common patterns that many people experience.
The History of The 7 Stages of Grief
The concept of grief stages was first introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her groundbreaking 1969 book “On Death and Dying,” where she outlined five stages.
Over time, this model has evolved, and many therapists now recognize seven distinct stages that provide a more comprehensive understanding of the grief journey. It’s important to remember that these stages are not a rigid timeline. P
People may experience the 7 stages of grief in different orders, skip stages entirely, or revisit stages multiple times. Understanding these stages can help normalize your experience and remind you that what you’re feeling is a natural part of healing.
The 7 Stages of Grief
Stage 1 – Shock or Disbelief
The initial stage of grief often begins with shock or disbelief, a psychological defense mechanism that helps protect us from the full impact of a devastating loss. This stage can feel like an emotional numbness or a sense of unreality, as if you’re watching your life unfold from the outside. You might find yourself thinking, “This can’t be happening” or “This must be a mistake.”
During this stage, it’s common to feel disconnected from your emotions or to experience a strange sense of calm that might surprise you or others around you. Your mind may struggle to process the reality of the situation, leading to confusion, difficulty concentrating, or feeling like you’re in a fog. Physical symptoms can include fatigue, changes in appetite, or feeling physically heavy or light-headed.
This protective numbness serves an important purpose—it allows you to function during the immediate aftermath of loss while your mind gradually adjusts to the new reality. Don’t judge yourself for feeling disconnected or for not crying “enough.” Everyone’s initial response to grief is different, and there’s no right or wrong way to experience this stage.
Stage 2 – Denial
As the initial shock begins to wear off, denial often emerges as another protective mechanism.
Denial doesn’t necessarily mean refusing to believe that a loss has occurred, but rather minimizing its impact or avoiding the full emotional weight of the situation.
You might catch yourself reaching for the phone to call someone who has passed away, or setting a place at the table out of habit.
This stage can manifest in various ways:
- Avoiding reminders of the loss
- Keeping busy to distract yourself from painful feelings
- Maintaining routines as if nothing has changed.
- Some people might avoid talking about the loss or refuse offers of support, insisting they’re “fine” when they’re clearly struggling.
- Others might focus obsessively on work or other activities to avoid confronting their grief.
While denial might seem counterproductive, it actually serves an important function in the grieving process. It allows you to pace your emotional processing, taking in only as much pain as you can handle at any given time. However, if denial persists for an extended period or begins to interfere with daily functioning, it may be helpful to seek professional support to process these difficult emotions safely.
Stage 3 – Anger
Anger is often one of the most misunderstood stages of grief, yet it’s completely normal and even healthy. This anger can be directed in many directions: at the person who died for leaving you, at God or the universe for allowing the loss to happen, at doctors for not doing enough, at friends and family for not understanding, or even at yourself for things you did or didn’t do.
The intensity of grief-related anger can be surprising and sometimes frightening. You might find yourself snapping at loved ones, feeling irritated by well-meaning condolences, or experiencing road rage or general impatience with daily inconveniences. Some people feel guilty about their anger, especially if it’s directed toward the person they’re grieving, but these feelings are a natural part of processing loss.
Anger often masks other emotions like fear, hurt, or overwhelming sadness. It can feel easier to be angry than to feel vulnerable or helpless. This stage might also include feelings of frustration with the unfairness of life, resentment toward others who haven’t experienced similar losses, or anger at having to rebuild your life without someone or something important to you. Finding healthy ways to express this anger—through physical exercise, journaling, or talking with a counselor—can be an important part of moving through this stage.
Stage 4 – Bargaining
The bargaining stage represents our attempt to regain some sense of control over an uncontrollable situation. During this phase, you might find yourself making deals with a higher power, desperately searching for ways to undo or change the loss, or getting caught up in “what if” and “if only” thinking patterns.
Common thoughts include:
- “If only I had called the doctor sooner”
- “What if I had said something different”
- “I promise I’ll be a better person if you just bring them back.”
Bargaining can also involve trying to negotiate your way out of the pain of grief itself. You might promise to do anything to feel better, or convince yourself that if you just work hard enough, stay busy enough, or help others enough, the pain will go away.
Some people bargain with time, telling themselves they’ll allow themselves to grieve for a specific period and then “move on.”
This stage often involves a lot of rumination and replaying scenarios in your mind, searching for different outcomes. While this mental process is normal, it can become exhausting and keep you stuck in the past. The bargaining stage reflects our deep human need to make sense of loss and find meaning in suffering. Recognizing these thought patterns can help you be more compassionate with yourself as you work through this natural part of the grieving process.
Stage 5 – Guilt
Guilt is a complex and often painful stage of grief that can manifest in numerous ways. You might experience survivor’s guilt, wondering why you’re still here when your loved one is not. There’s often self-blame involved, with thoughts like “I should have done more,” “I should have visited more often,” or “I should have known something was wrong.” Even rational minds can get caught up in taking responsibility for things that were completely beyond their control.
Guilt can also arise from conflicting emotions during the grieving process. You might feel guilty for having moments of happiness or laughter, as if enjoying life means you didn’t love the person enough or aren’t honoring their memory properly. Some people feel guilty for wanting to move forward with their lives, interpreting this as betrayal or disloyalty to the deceased.
This stage can include regret about things said or left unsaid, opportunities missed, or relationships that weren’t perfect. You might find yourself mentally cataloging all the times you could have been a better friend, partner, child, or parent. It’s important to remember that all relationships are imperfect, and hindsight can make us overly critical of our past actions. Working through guilt often involves learning to forgive yourself and recognizing that you did the best you could with the knowledge and resources you had at the time.
Stage 6 – Depression
Depression during grief represents the deep sadness and despair that comes when the full reality of the loss begins to set in. Unlike clinical depression, grief-related depression is a natural response to loss, though the symptoms can be very similar and equally overwhelming. This stage often feels like being in a deep, dark hole where nothing seems to matter anymore and the future looks bleak.
During this stage, you might experience intense sadness, crying spells, loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed, changes in sleep patterns, appetite changes, fatigue, and difficulty concentrating. You may feel hopeless, empty, or disconnected from others. Social withdrawal is common, as is the feeling that life has lost its meaning or purpose. Some people describe feeling like they’re just going through the motions of living without really being present.
Physical symptoms often accompany the emotional aspects of this stage and can include:
- Headaches
- Body aches
- Digestive issues
- General feelings of being unwell.
You might find it difficult to make decisions, even simple ones, or feel overwhelmed by everyday tasks. Sleep disturbances are common, whether sleeping too much or too little, and many people experience vivid dreams about their loss.
It’s crucial to understand that this deep sadness is not a sign of weakness or a character flaw—it’s evidence of how much the person or thing you’ve lost meant to you. However, if these symptoms persist for an extended period, interfere significantly with daily functioning, or include thoughts of self-harm, it’s important to seek professional help to ensure you’re receiving appropriate support during this vulnerable time.
Stage 7 – Acceptance and Hope
Acceptance doesn’t mean that you’re “over” your grief or that you’ll never feel sad about your loss again. Instead, it represents a shift toward acknowledging the reality of your loss while finding ways to move forward with your life. This stage is characterized by a gradual return of energy, the ability to make plans for the future, and moments when you can think about your loss without being overwhelmed by pain.
During this stage, you begin to integrate the loss into your life story rather than being defined entirely by it. You might find new meaning in your experiences, develop a different relationship with the person or thing you’ve lost, or discover strengths you didn’t know you had. Many people report feeling grateful for the time they had rather than focusing solely on what they’ve lost. You may begin to engage more fully with life again, reconnecting with friends, pursuing interests, or even finding joy in new experiences.
Hope begins to emerge as you realize that it’s possible to carry your love and memories forward while still building a meaningful life. This doesn’t happen overnight, and you may move in and out of this stage multiple times. Some days will still be difficult, and grief may resurface during anniversaries, holidays, or significant life events. However, these setbacks become less frequent and less intense over time.
Acceptance often involves creating new rituals to honor your loss, finding ways to help others going through similar experiences, or channeling your grief into meaningful action. You learn to live with the loss rather than despite it, understanding that grief is the price we pay for having loved deeply. This stage represents not an ending, but a transformation—a recognition that while your life has been forever changed, it can still hold meaning, purpose, and joy.
Get Help With The Grieving Process Today
Navigating grief is one of life’s most challenging experiences, and you don’t have to face it alone.
At Arbor Wellness, our compassionate team of mental health professionals understands the complexity of grief and is here to support you through every stage of your journey. Whether you’re struggling with the initial shock of loss, feeling stuck in anger or guilt, or trying to find your way toward acceptance, we offer personalized grief counseling services designed to meet you where you are.
Our licensed therapists use evidence-based approaches to help you process your emotions, develop healthy coping strategies, and gradually rebuild your life while honoring your loss. We understand that grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and we’re committed to supporting you for as long as you need. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you’re experiencing prolonged depression, thoughts of self-harm, or if your grief is significantly impacting your ability to function in daily life.
Learn more about our Nashville mental health programs or call us at 629-217-2658.
